Just the Right Description

Being that yesterday was Tax Day, we figured we all could use a good laugh.  Nothing serious this week – just a good chuckle or two.  Next time you are stumped trying to find just the right euphemism for a, well, unique quality of a new home on the market, please consult the list below:

• Old charmer – just an ugly old house

• Stunning house – the house is not ugly

• Tudor – two bedrooms are in the attic which is not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter

• Cape Cod – styled after Third World slum dwellings

• Sunny corner lot – noisy intersection of two busy streets

• Easy freeway access – noisy arterial street close to freeway

• Low maintenance lot – no yard; the kids will have to play in the street

• Meticulously maintained in the original condition – the appliances are 50 years old

• Ready to remodel – the house is about to collapse; double-check it’s not already condemned

• Newly remodeled kitchen – 50-year old cabinetry and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents

• Motivated sellers – seller is behind on their mortgage payments

• Ready to move in – the interior has been painted with one coat of cheap paint

• Desirable neighborhood – this little house is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood has a snobbish reputation

• 1-car garage – you can fit a Ford Escort into the garage, but there is no room to open the doors

• In-city living – it is not safe to walk in this neighborhood after dark

• Recreation room with wet bar – basement has been painted and has a faucet

• Large family room – large basement

• Bedroom in basement – basement has a 1′ by 2′ window

• Lots of storage space – basement too small to be called a family room

• Partial mountain view – you can see the tip of Mt. Baldy if you climb onto the roof

• Views of wildlife – good view of your neighbor’s bedroom window

• Build sweat equity – the house is not habitable

• Needs a little TLC – plan on renting a bulldozer

• Storybook – the house is old and the roof is not flat

• Efficiently designed kitchen – the kitchen is too small to fit two people at the same time

• Great water pressure – the house is next to a water tower

• Quiet neighbors – the home backs to a cemetery

• Cozy bathroom – you can shower while sitting on the toilet

• Won’t last! – hurry and place an offer before the bank forecloses

• Unique – it’s weird, just weird

We like to laugh a lot at Raj’s office – thought you would like this too.